Amazing Grace
by sarahqq
Summary: Elusive, devilishly handsome Edward Cullen will do anything to procure his most heartfelt desire. So if an insignificant seventeen-year-old girl is what it takes, then so be it. AU EB


**Title: **Amazing Grace  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **sarahqq  
**Summary: **Elusive, devilishly handsome Edward Cullen will do anything to procure his most heartfelt desire. So if an insignificant seventeen-year-old girl is what it takes, then so be it. AU EB

**_Prologue._**

_Edward Cullen_

"Well, I guess as long as I get to see a stellar view like this, lying on the hood of the car isn't all that bad," she sighs.

Despite the evening chill, she crawls closer to me, watching me.

But my mind is at another place, looking into a world of my own.

"My frosty perfection," she says, content, singsong.

I just look down. She thinks I'm so perfect.

"Are you nervous?" I ask her.

She blushes prettily. "How did you know?"

"I don't _know_. I _see_. I _hear._" I'm talking crisp, annoyed. I think she notices. "You're thinking about something insignificant again."

"What, no!"

_Defensive, _I note.

Her voice falls dramatically. "You're not insignificant to me."

_Defensive, _I note again, a little more amused this time.

"You're not." She sniffs. "I _know _you're not, so stop patronizing me all the time like I'm a child. I'm not."

I hide a smile but she sees it anyway. Nothing escapes her now; she's getting good.

"I'm not!" she says again.

"Look, the sunset."

She acquiesces. I'm not the only one who's annoyed now.

"Yeah, it's pretty, I guess," she grumbles.

We watch all of it: the darkness swallowing the sky, and the sun melting into the ocean, shining in all its glory as it dims with goodbye and the promise of tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

I can't but wonder how many more times I will get to see this amazing, amazing girl.

The girl – she's daydreaming, I can tell.

She blindly reaches for my hand. It's searing hot against my skin, and I panic.

"You can't just do that to me," I hiss, tearing my hand off. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"The least you can do for me is holding my hand when I want you to."

I hesitate. "Are you cold?"

"Yeah." She grins, mischievous. "But I don't mind being colder."

She loops her arm around mine and leans her face against my shoulder.

I sigh again, annoyed, and try to keep still.

She smiles widely up at me.

I reflect it, exaggeratedly, and she bursts out into laughter.

"Do you want to leave?" I ask.

"Nope, never." A star catches her eye. "Hey, what would you say if I told you I would take that star and give it to you?"

I laugh, not amused. "You can't."

She rolls her eyes. "Indulge me! What if?"

She's so excited.

"In theory?"

"In theory," she smiles. "If I could, I would do it in the blink of an eye, you know."

"I'd steal you the sunset if I could." I pause, smiling privately. "In theory, of course."

"Really? Why?"

I cast my gaze downward, simply looking at her, and she tries to see what I see. I wish she _can _see – just how beautiful she is.

Her hand still envelops mine in a tiny clasp, and I take her pulse.

Her heart is experiencing a little implosion, it seems.

"Why are you smiling?" she whispers, smiling also.

I ignore the question. "You're just as warm. As the sunset." I pause. "That sounded stupid."

But she's laughing. Good.

"Can I kiss you?" she whispers again.

"No."

She pouts. "But I want to. I really, really want to."

"No."

"I'm hurt."

"I'm sorry."

"Then kiss me." She reaches out to frame the side of my face. "What are you so afraid of? Because I'm not. I'm not afraid."

"You're nervous."

"Nervous, yes. Afraid, no." Her gaze softens. "I can't wait. I can't wait for us to be together. Like, really together."

I see the excitement in her eyes, and that… pains me to the gut.

"I'm so sorry." I can't bear to look at her now. "Please forgive me."

She twirls my hair with her finger. "What is there to forgive?"

"Sorry," I say again.

"You don't look very sorry though…" She furrows her eyebrows. "Not that I need an apology for anything."

"What do I look like then?"

"You look… determined." She chuckles. "Anyway, you can't keep doing that. It scares me. You're always so tense."

"As I should be." A traitor belongs nowhere.

"Did you ever think about that this could be the real you?"

"I don't desire _this_."

"I like you this way too –"

She's startled when I tug her into my open arms. She also wastes no time and jumps at me.

"Steady," I tell her, laughing through my nose.

She ignores all indications of danger and settles her cheek intimately on my chest. She fits perfectly there.

I rest my chin on the top of her head too and crush her body closer to me, whispering words of comfort in her ears when she admits that she _is_ a little afraid.

But I suddenly realize that this panic, this fear inside me is so desperately grasping – that I, too, need words of comfort. I have never felt so alive in a long time, and she's the one who makes me feel that way every single day. I want to tell her all these beautiful words but cannot whisper.

She barely knows, barely understands, but I now surrender myself to this girl, entirely.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Does it ever get easier?"

"Does what get easier, Bella?"

"Having to be alone. All the time."

I know the answer the instant she asks the question, but I stall anyway. It's a long time before I finally answer,

"No."

_**Author's Note: **_I'm trying something new. Updates will be sparse but continuous. I hope you enjoyed, and let me know how you liked/hated it. All We Are and Butterfly will be updated shortly - so sorry for the long wait!

Sarah


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